Thursday, July 23, 2009

Where Does the Good Go

While on the phone with my favorite mother-friend yesterday, she said some precious words to me: "That's why you don't want children."

I'd been explaining what had happened to me the night before I called her, when another mother-friend I'm very close to needed to take her child in for emergency care. I went along for company and emotional support. L and I were together in the ER for 5 hours, during which said child was almost never silent - he drifted between whimpers and shrieks that caused people to crane their heads around and stare at us. These people were ridiculous, I thought - when a baby is several hours past his bed time and suffering from an injury, what do you expect him to do? Giggle? At least he smiled every once in a while. There was a lengthy period during which he would only settle down if he was being walked in his stroller, so I walked him. A lot. Her second baby is still belly-bound and was causing her undue amounts of pain, so I didn't want her to have to do it.

E, my favorite mother-friend, took in everything I said about the situation and came up with, "That's why you don't want children. That's a mommy's life, every single day, no matter what else you have planned." And she's absolutely right. I don't know if she thought I hadn't figured this out yet, or if she was simply uncovering something about me that she'd been in the dark about - a puzzle piece finally snapped into place - but it was gratifying nonetheless.

I can usually find time during every day to be thankful that I have no children, but there are moments when the relief is almost overwhelming, when I realize everything my closest friends have given up, when I realize how hard I used to think I wanted this.

E also said, "And that's why you have friends who are mommies, so that you get to live the life every once in a while, even when it's bad times."

I'm grateful for every second of it.

1 comment:

  1. =-D That was sooo nice of you to help out with A.. You are a great friend!! And it is definately ridiculous for people to be so judgemental in an ER waiting room..when you have a sick kiddo you don't really have a choice to be like okay honey since you can't be good we will just have to come back another day so we don't bother other people.. lol.. Plus.. HE WAS IN ALOT OF PAIN.. blah.. people.. really.. even when I was a teen and anti kids for awhile.. I understood PAIN.. Hell..when I am in pain.. I wish I could get away with letting the world know!! =-D