Thursday, October 28, 2010


Sometimes, I sit back and take in this whole gay marriage issue as the reality it is; a big-picture viewing of the situation at hand, rather than aching narrowly about the cruel, scattered incidents outlined in well-meaning newspapers, and folks, I just fucking laugh.

I laugh at the fact that no one in a position of real authority has been able to see how unfairly gays are being treated - at least, not for any longer than it took to get the 'gay vote' by pretending they did. As the iconic Karen Walker once said, "It's funny, because it's sad."

I mean, the sheer ludicrousness just gets to me. That human beings we've entrusted with the care, safety and representation of our communities can be legitimately terrified of what two people do in their bedroom! As though the mingling of a cock and an asshole sets in motion the chemical reaction which will unleash the actual Boogeyman. Get a fucking grip.

I laugh at how barbaric and sexually underdeveloped it makes our country look that we've mandated love with archaic laws and fussy, good-ol'-boy beliefs. I've come to accept that no one's religion makes sense, including mine - some believe in an ancient cat-headed woman who will protect them from afar. Many believe in an evil talking snake who made a naked girl eat an apple and an invisible father figure who can see every single person at every single moment, and "blesses" some with promotions at work while others suffer slow, debilitating, cancerous loss of bodily function. And me, I believe in nothing, that we all evolved from our respective masses of goo.
Because none of this shit sounds logical on paper, I could no sooner lobby for a law that said one must not step on certain unseeable atoms because they could become a person one day than I could SUPPORT a law that says, "No, you can't get married, wtf? You both have vaginas, what are you trying to pull!?"

I laugh at how our politicians come off as Disney villains; poorly fleshed out, lacking any realistic character development or substance, focused with pathetic exclusivity on a single, psychotic goal over which they tent their fingers and grin with jagged teeth, - make my family the one that counts, "keep them gays outta my sanctified marriage."

As though the saying of vows between two people they will never even meet will send their expensive doors flying off the hinges, and their living rooms will be flooded with thick-bonered men in pink boas who masturbate on the Victorian furniture while the women try to seduce their dog-faced daughters into labia piercings, because that's just what all lesbians do.

I laugh because it's very much like a sad, stupid dream, the kind you wake up from completely horrified that anything so nonsensical and brutal was taking place, but then smilingly chastise yourself about later for letting your imagination get the better of you.

But I always stop laughing real fast, because no one's waking up from this nightmare of ignorance and condescension any time soon.

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